Hold my luggage – a dialectic.

Gwad this is heavy. I’m going put some spinny wheels on this and add an extendable handle!

Hold my beer. Why are you having beer now, we are about to check in at the airline counter? Well I was trying but they told me to use this automatic luggage scanner with my boarding pass but there was another line and it couldn’t scan my tag because it was folded and faced the wrong way. I had to get the baggage scanner supervisor but there was a wait to get that person to help and everyone was getting cranky. So I need a beer.

Hold my complimentary inflight beverage. Why can’t I check in my luggage downtown, like they do in Hong Kong?

Hold my Gravol. I’m going to skip all that and just have my luggage FedExed to my hotel so I just have to take my carry on bag.

Hold my Veuve Clicquot. You mean like you can do in Japan with Takuhaibin delivery service? Yes!

Hold my moist towelette. What if they could clear customs with it and put it on the same plane I’m taking. Of course the airline industry would have to be able to take pre-cleared luggage, send it via conveyors and get it on the same plane as me.

Hold my Octopus Card. What if airlines didn’t just pile up everyone’s luggage on those carts like some sort of random garbage heap and then have to load each bag separately onto the plane? You mean exactly like courier companies do now, loading them in containers in the terminal? Yes! You mean, luggage might finally stop getting lost (sent on to more exotic locations than you get to go to).

Hold my passport. And what if, after getting off the plane, I didn’t have to crowd around the luggage carousel (assuming it was the right one) to get my luggage back? You mean those luggage carousels in the baggage area, which is a giant hall that only has one or two carousels running and the rest are idle? Yes, that hugely expansive and expensive bit of real-estate, where everyone trying to get their suitcase are all trying to squeeze in and grab their bags. You mean their OWN bags which are identified by some idiosyncratically chosen piece of coloured ribbon? I see you do know what I mean. Been there!

Hold my shoes, belt, keys, and loose change. What if, instead dozens of those stupid carousels, the airport just put a lot of couches and chairs for people to wait comfortably in, and a Roomba with your suitcase on it would just come find you based on your RFID tag or iPhone?